Secondly it is only when the family
castigates him by feeling shamed by his act and shows their extreme
displeasure at his having eve teased that he will realize the importance
his family attaches to non indulgence in eve teasing and will dare not
behave in a similar manner ever. This in turn will make him stop eve
teasing even if he is not sure about the involvement of guilt from his
The truth is that there
may be an eve-teaser in your family.
Having understood that an eve teaser is
a common man who might be anyone in our midst let us move a step further
and accept that we might have an eve teaser in our very family
: I do not
have to be on the look out for any eve teaser in my family.
: Every family has
to discourage any disrespect to woman in their own stern and sure
has real people in them who have real emotions and are susceptible to
baser instincts too.
The moving force in this world is not a
leader who impresses the masses but the common man of this mass of
humanity who takes it upon himself to give direction to his life and thus
also affects the course that many factors and people dependent on his
Any social phenomenon may assume
incurable dimension or be solved in a jiffy by the conscious decision of
the common man. The common man is the person who breathes in every home in
this world. He is your family member, he is you.
To rid this world of any garbage all
that one has to do is to ensure that his home and his road is clean and if
not, then the solution does not lie in pondering over what the right
course of action should be but in the actual cleansing of such garbage by
physically taking the broom and taking the garbage and throwing it away in
an appropriate place.
Assuming that every person in this world
is educated to do so, the logic in doing so will awaken a reality that
will keep your home, your road, your community, your city, your country,
your continent and thus your complete world garbage free. Garbage here
includes the kind that exists in people’s minds too.
Let us not look at the possibility of an
eve teaser being bred in our family as a problem but more as a preventive
opportunity to rid this world of the mental garbage that our home has and
cleanse the same. When every home conditions itself to such thought and
rids itself of eve teasers, then it is a pragmatic certainty that our
world will be free of eve teasers and any other garbage.
This simple approach assumes the
availability of a collective conscience that again is dependent on every
single person who contributes his unshakable and moral based conscience to
The truth is that aged
people can also be eve-teasers.
Age is not a factor that commands
respect always. This unfortunate truth stares at us in our face every once
in a way and strikes a chord of disharmony to the very roots of our value
base, specially so in the Indian context which has forever taught us to
pay our unquestioned respects to those who are elder to us.
: Aged people
are not potential eve teasers.
: With the passage
of time one does not always change for the better.
people act like the proverbial rotten apple that brings discredit to the
A famous actress and singer who is
basking in international recognition once caught an elderly gentleman in
the audience who was old enough to be her granddad cast lewd glances at
her while she was performing in a show.
Her reaction was immediate and stern, in
between the performance she threw all caution to the winds and pointing a
finger at this man and signaled that he better be careful. This simple act
of hers was enough to make this man sweat it out.
The whole crowd was aware that this man
had invited her wrath by some indecent act that was not fitting the
occasion and those standing near the man were quick to express their
discomfort, this made the man slither away from the place and thank his
lucky stars that he was let of with a slight warning.
In my years of taking eve teasers to
task I have realized that it is easier to tackle hot blooded youth who
make visible their attempts at eve teasing and face the consequence for it
than the cold calculated ways in which an elderly gentlemen eve teasers
makes it next to impossible to even assertively point a finger at him as
his acts are always bordering on decency and therefore hard to
Elders always take
refuge in acts on the lines of a lewd stare, an unwarranted bump, a
seemingly casual touch, a lingering look at a vulnerable time and usually
avoid other blatant acts of eve teasing like a sly whistle, a well-timed
clap, the humming of a suggestive song, passing downright uncouth
comments, cheap gestures, showing an indecent snap or video, etc.
This makes it difficult
for most to gauge the intention of the elderly person indulging in such an
act but not impossible. As goodness of the heart cannot be hidden in the
long run, so is it impossible for anyone to conceal malicious intent all
The truth is that eve
teasing does not occur only in desolate roads.
Gone are the days when certain places
could be safely excluded from instances of eve teasing, be they premises
that promote education, hospitals or even places of worship. Now the eve
teaser strikes with apathy in all those places which had an added sanctity
: Eve teasing
only occurs on the roads.
: Instances of eve
teasing on the roads account for a good percentage of eve
happens in every possible available place.
The inability to perceive myself to be
on the same platter with men who eve tease in hospitals, schools or even
temples is not something that I am suffering from alone. A good chunk of
men refuse to be a part of that society that has people who will not
desist from giving into banal instincts even in places where it is not at
Roads are definitely places where woman
feel more vulnerable in the face of public attention than anywhere else.
It is here that she has had innumerable encounters with all kinds of eve
teasers. It is here that she felt many humiliations and began to feel
apologetic for her very existence, yet the travelogue of travails with eve
teasers is not limited to these roads only.
Name a place where she is saved the
trouble of having to watch out for eve teasers now. Women have learnt to
be on their guard while conducting themselves in shopping malls, the many
outlets and cinema halls therein and every other conceivable place.
‘Ramrajya’ is equated to be a utopian
condition where the entire society basks in amity according to Indian
mythology. To describe this learned men have depicted a condition where a
beautiful woman, bedecked in ornaments, walks in the middle of the night
on a desolate road without fear.
The analogy indirectly underlines the
fact that if a woman is safe on the roads in the dead of the night with
valuables on her, then she need not nurture fear in any place that she
finds herself in.
Taking this as a barometer to assess the
present standards we fall short in comparison, for even now a woman cannot
move around without fear or assured support. Such being the case she has
to be a step ahead of her eve teaser in this obstacle race of life to be
able to escape his harassment.
The truth is that an
eve-teaser will not attack any woman he chances upon.
Eve teasers might be sly but they are
not fools, in fact they are a tad bit too clever, as is the case with many
who go against the norms of society. The eve teaser too knows that if he
accosts any woman who is confident about herself there is a possibility
that she might lash out against him or create a racket, thus placing him
in public scrutiny. To avoid this he selects his victim, mostly by gauging
her lack of confidence.
: An eve
teaser will indiscriminately pounce upon any woman he
: Eve teasers too
are weary of being caught and are on the lookout for danger
An eve teaser
will only harass those who show him an inkling of insecurity in most of
Women should be bold and confident or at
least appear to be so when out in public, this is bound to make any
potential eve teaser think twice before he attempts to pull a stunt. Show
him a sign of insecurity and he will be the first to pounce on you,
without a thought about the consequences, for he is well aware that any
woman who has a visible lack of confidence will not be spunky enough to
report the matter to anyone or even lash out against him.
An eve teaser knows that most of the
women who walk on the roads are unwilling to take matters too far, how
else does he account for the innumerable successful eve teasing episodes
that his friends have bragged about. An eve teaser is assured by his
friends that they have indulged in the same act many times over and the
unwritten law is that they address those women who do not display
confidence as they go by their lives as they are not capable of lashing
out at them.
The truth is that most eve teasers are
put off when they see women who are confident as they know that the risk
of being dragged to public gaze is higher.
It is hoped that after reading this book
women will be more confident (even in a non-confrontational way) when they
are accosted by eve teasers and the very show of confidence will go a long
way in putting off any attempts of eve teasers of harassing them and thus
eve teasers too will find lesser opportunities in displaying their
The truth is that
educated people can also be eve-teasers.
It is not lack of education but the
inability to apply the values bred in them by academic orientation that
leads men to indulge in eve teasing. Education has failed to a great
extent in inculcating ethics, morals and the ‘ought’ factor that cautions
man to consciously behave better.
people do not indulge in eve teasing.
: Education today
merely shows one the right way but does enforce one to walk
people are equally responsible for indulging in eve
No longer can we safely blame the
uneducated masses for a majority of the social evils and the
socio-economic offences that are threatening to throttle the very breath
of harmonious life in today’s world. In reality educated people are
equally responsible for the propagation and perpetuation of social evils.
They use their education to take undue advantage of the law and further to
vociferously put across their justifications.
Any policeman will vouch for the fact
that a majority of the traffic rules are flouted not by the uneducated
people but the educated ones who throw caution to the winds and break the
law and then argue with the authorities when caught red handed. The
illiterate masses would rather not fall foul of the law and cough up
Here the educated man has three things
that work in his favor; firstly he can get to escape by stating that his
act did not amount to harmful eve teasing. According to him, he was well
within limits of decency and too much has been read into an innocent act.
He can use his education to argue for a prescription of the benefit of
doubt to his act.
Secondly he will resort to some kind of
influence or even indulge in bribing the authorities to escape the logical
punishment that would follow his dastardly act. Thirdly he will blatantly
lie and claim that he has been falsely implicated and that he was not at
all involved in any act of eve teasing.
These escape routes are also known to
the uneducated but the handicap of not being able to vociferously advocate
these might make them choose the available option of pleading guilty and
placing themselves at the mercy of those who take them to task.
The truth is that
eve-teasers do not target only those women who lead them on.
For an eve teaser every woman is a
potential victim and he does not search around and wait until a woman who
seems to welcome such advances appears on the scene. It is possible that
an eve teaser may find it convenient to focus on those women who are meek
and are walking with their gaze fixed to the ground.
: Eve teasers
target only those women who lead them on.
: Eve teasers may
take note of the confidence or the lack of it that a woman shows in
deciding if she is a safe victim, not her reaction to it.
accost any woman when they are confident that they will suffer no
detriment with total disregard to the response of the said
Eve teasers might not behave like
compulsive maniacs when they see women but they will surely not let a
chance pass by without accosting women when they are certain that they
will go scot free with such an aberration.
An eve teaser has been convinced that
his act will prove irresistible to women. This is because he goes by the
popular notion that the woman who is eve teased and provoked ends up
falling in love with the ‘macho man’ who has eve teased her, a
misconception that is so well woven in regional movies.
Thus he is not looking for any signs
welcoming his advances, as he plays the game according to the rules so
well laid out, it is for him to make the first move and this only means
that he can target any unsuspecting victim who might not even know about
his existence. Words or gestures are not needed to encourage the eve
teaser initiative to abuse women.
He just has to sum up a girl and label
her as one who will not be able to lash out against him and that would sum
up all the qualifications that he is looking for in a woman to make her
his immediate target.
This truth has to be understood in its
entirety by all the parents and guardians of girls who somehow sow the
suspicion that the girl played an active part in the whole incident. At
times the moment a girl reports a case of eve teasing to her family; it is
a fact that the family members accuse her of contributing to the act by a
little more then her mere presence at an unguarded place. An inkling of
such a notion is all that is needed to create a bias and make the girl
suffer for her act of reporting an incident of eve teasing that she was
made an unwilling part of.
The truth is that the
eve-teaser waits for the right time to burst out on defenseless
This is another reassertion of the fact
that the eve teaser is a coward. He will not ignore the moral depravity of
his act but is cautious enough to be up to his wily ways only when it safe
for him to do so. He will not be up to his tricks when there is a chance
that he might be taken to task.
: Eve teasers
are macho men who accost anyone in random.
: Eve teasers are
very selective about their prey. They would rather stand in silence when
women move around due to bad timing than fall prey to their own
are cowards by nature and are experts in selecting the right time to
target defenseless and meek woman who (in all probability) will not react
in an assertive manner against their misdeeds.
An eve teaser is definitely not a brave
man. For if he was anything near being brave he would have found other
civilized ways of reaching out and bonding with women. He knows fully well
that eve teasing is not the right mode to get in touch with woman, so he
waits for the right moment to burst out on them when they are
He is seeking gratification for himself
by reaching out to women in a crude manner. Here he is further cautious as
he knows that his act is not welcomed by civilized society and so he has
to be clever enough to escape attention and emerge unscathed after
When an eve teaser accosts helpless
women he underlines his inability to inflict harm on those stronger than
him. Cowards have to plan their way well so as to ensure that they are not
caught. Being a coward an eve teaser too acts in a similar fashion by
scheming and getting what he wants without causing any detriment to his
The truth is that eve
teasing is not a macho thing to do.
The definition of a macho man is one who
does not think twice before using his might to do the right thing, not one
who wrecks havoc on those who are gagged by circumstances and are unable
to stand up to their rights.
: You are
macho if you eve tease.
: Any woman aspires
to be accorded with respect.
those who are unable to afford dignity to the very women that men are born
When was the last time you praised the
manly qualities of any man who used his available might to wreck havoc on
a woman who is expending all her energies to strive for an identity and
earn her wings. The only way to answer this query is by reminding
ourselves that we, as civilized humans, are never admired for our cruelty
towards any living being in society.
The truth is that a man wishing to
proclaim his manly qualities by eve teasing is walking far away from his
goals. To prove your manliness, unlike the popular misconception, one does
not merely have to inhale cancer sticks, speed on bikes and cars without
skill, consume alcohol or treat women with disrespect.
A show of physical strength or an
ability to indulge in mental gymnastics to achieve the outcome of gaining
more money or power is something that is within the reach of all the
weaklings of this world. Contrary to popular notions these attributes are
really no barometer to measure how ‘macho’ one really is.
To be a macho man one has to work much
harder. Even if the temptation and the opportunity to tease a woman comes
his way he has to prove his macho qualities by restraining himself from
taking the easy way out. The truth is that his refusal to give in to
pressure from his peers and disallowing them to treat him like a boy and
make him an eve teaser is what will make a man out of him.
The truth is that eve
teasing is also faced by small children.
It is astounding to note that eve
teasing is no longer a phenomenon faced by college kids or working women
only. It begins much earlier nowadays, an act of eve teasing may be
imprinted in the mind of a mere child who is 5-6 years old. This act is
registered in her mind and instills fear on recall.
: Eve teasing
is faced by girls in college or when they near the age of
: Many women recall
instances that can be termed as eve teasing at a very tender
percentage of women accept that they have witnessed instances that can be
classified as eve teasing from the age of 5-6 onwards.
When I asked many women as to when was
it that they noticed eve teasing first, they were all pointing to a time
in their childhood when they felt uneasy or perturbed by an act that they
were unable to place. It was only much later that they gave it a negative
Though it is a welcome relief that the
management in many Kindergarten and Montessori schools have taken it upon
themselves to educate the parents or guardians to discriminate against a
good touch and a bad touch and further sensitize them to the unspoken
signals that a child gives out by showing a degree of discomfort with
It is hearty to note that such efforts
are being made to educate parents and disallow any child from suffering
the ill-effects of eve teasing; somewhere in the corner of our minds we
are also saddened by the fact that these things have to be dealt with at
such a tender age.
The truth is that the
best solution to tackle eve teasing lies in creating
Awareness is the best remedy for a
multitude of issues. I am well aware that when I am tackling an eve teaser
and taking him to task I am merely addressing the actualization of his
uncouth thoughts. Trashing an eve teaser is not a preventive act but an
act that merely seeks to set right a wrong perpetuated by him. Crisis
management is not the relief afforded in times of crisis but managing a
crisis beforehand too.
: Eve teasing
can be tackled by effectively accosting eve teasers.
: Awareness is a
universal solution to most problems.
evil of eve teasing has to be wiped out systematically and from its very
A holistic approach will go a long way
in curbing the social evil of eve teasing. Acts in isolation create
significant ripples but to weed out eve teasing in totality we have to
initiate strong waves of awareness in society regarding all aspects of eve
teasing. By doing so one is attacking the issue from all angles and thus
hopes for the eradication of the same are very high. A holistic approach
will ensure that people are deterred from becoming eve teasers by creating
awareness among boys and establishing a mindset in them that will disallow
them from becoming eve teasers.
People should start looking out for
careers instead of merely seeking jobs, they should try and gain an
education instead of trying to channelize all their efforts to obtaining
degrees, they should apply the values taught to them instead of preaching
about the absence of these values in others and they should foremost apply
the right thoughts that have been instilled in them and show culture and
stand up against the base act of eve teasing.
This is how they can create awareness in
others that eve teasing will not be tolerated and also drive home the
message to other civilized members of society that eve teasing should not
be tolerated. Awareness among the public about the damage caused by eve
teasers and the depraved nature of their indulgence will only strengthen
their resolve to stand up against eve teasing, especially so if they are
educated on all aspects regarding eve teasing.
A lady too has to realize that her
fighting back against eve teasing will hold the following benefits for
Firstly it will go a long way in
reducing the shame and guilt that she piles on herself when eve teased.
Secondly it will act as a great
deterrent by sending shivers down the spine of every eve teaser and all
his friends and further caution them against indulging in such
Thirdly it will encourage other women to
also stand up for their dignity when faced by a similar instance of eve
If such awareness is geared up then eve
teasers too will be wary of possible attacks by the public or by the woman
herself and will decide to be safe than sorry and curb their urge to eve
Awareness will also aid in establishing
right from an early age that:
* Boys can be
mischievous but cannot disrespect women at any time.
* Girls learn from an
early age to raise their voice against eve teasing.
In all it can safely be said that a long
term plan to eradicate eve teasing should have a holistic approach and the
best way to tackle eve teasing from all corners is to spread awareness
about this social evil to such an extent that people are compelled to
repel it through and through.
The truth is that woman
of this era are not empowered per se to fight back against eve teasers.
Empowerment of woman is a phrase that I
have carefully avoided in this entire book, the reason for this is that it
is a fallacy to assume hat women in India are liberated and empowered.
This might be true in a decimal level in urban areas as against the
multitude of women who are still bound firmly to the ramshackle of
societal suppression, more so in rural areas.
woman are not automatically packaged to stand their ground against eve
: Empowerment of
women is yet to be achieved in a manner that will scare the wits out of
anyone who wishes to ill-treat them or take undue advantage of
today are still facing enough discrimination from womb to tomb that
disallows them from growing into complete and confident human
Liberation in the true sense underlines
the ability of a woman to take complete respect for every act of hers and
decide to do something.
True liberation is earned by a woman
only when she takes decisions without bothering about any external factor.
In India’s metropolitan cities there is a possibility that a woman can
proclaim that she is liberated after a certain point of time but to a
greater extent such liberation is still eluding the feminine majority in
To liberate woman in the true sense one
should show women their strength instead of purporting to support them. It
is not enough if a certain aspect of a woman’s life is left to her
discretion. Using this as a prime example one cannot shout from the roof
tops that this woman is liberated as she has decided some aspect of her
life without bothering about another’s reaction.
Liberation of women in any sense is akin
to an exception that is being lobbied to prove itself as a rule.
Empowerment of women is not a consequence that is required to be achieved
with some effort. It should be inherent to the very breath of existence of
Undiluted respect to women in one’s
family should be inculcated by everyone in Indian society. The not so
subtle hints of male domination and instances of abject subjugation of
woman within the family breed the notion of tolerance to any atrocity
committed on women. It is unfortunate that such an anomaly co-exists in
women are given due respect as life givers, their vulnerable position in
the societal structure makes them an easy target for men. Their
empowerment is a sure way of making others think many times before trying
to make them easy targets.